6.19.2004

This whole california thing has gotten me kinda upset. Im gonna miss everyone but some more then others. Doot de doot. But ya, i still needa re-pack. =/. I dont know what the meaning of this post is. Im just bored and depressed. I havent been depressed for a couple weeks. But just the thought of being alone in cali, with no one around (for a lil while), and my mom sick, and everything, im gonna have NO ONE to talk to, unless people decide they wanna call =/. I'm not even gonna call anyone, except for my family, maybe not even that, cuz i figure, if they wanted to talk to me, or know how i am, they'd call themselves. So ya. grr, well i am gonna go over to brookes n see kyle n jake. be home laters i guess!!

6.17.2004

ok everyone...imma attempt to put MYYYY layout up...so hang tight :D

6.13.2004

OK, last night, well lets see, at around, well i ferget what time...it was around 9...i went back over to brookes house, annnd we decided that we wanted to go for a walk. well we were gonna walk past chances house, but on the way there, we met some dudes...i THINK their names were, tim, terry, zach, tyler, and sean. I know zach. Cuz thats chantels little brother. So here we are hanging out with a bunch of lil 8th graders walking around town being stupid. What else is new? So anyways, brookes mom calls at about 10 and says we need to get home becuz she doesnt think that brad is watching the kids properly cuz skyler got brought home by the cops for calling 911 7 times and hanging up over at his friends house. lord knows how she found out. anyways, so we start going home, and then zach and all his friends ask for "our" (since we were all together) number. so we give him brookes cell number. so him and his friends run home and call us like ri ght away and say that they are gonna meet us at calapooia...well they show up and the SAME time we got there...so ya, then kyle was there, and we all started talking to him and hes all "ya u guys shud like come over" so at around oooh....12 something...we went over there...but we cudnt stay long, cuz kyles mom wud be home, anyways, at kyles house, the first time...it was just me and joslynn (this was at...11:30) and jake was really fucked up. It was sooo funny, he was all "sooo, how was school?" and joslynn said "sux" and i said "dandy" and hes all "sux! Dandy!" and started cracking up laffing. It was great. then we (me and joslynn) got back to brookes at like 11:50 and we had to wait until her mom got home at umm...12:30 to leave again, so we went over there, and we all went up to his room and he wanted us to smoke weed with him...ok well...we didnt, cuz brooke was too afraid that her mom wud find out...*rolls eyes*...but yah, jake was all freaking out and was all suggesting that we go streaking. So after a while of talking and everything, we had to laeve cuz kyles mom was on his way home. Sooo, we get home and about...20 minutes later, kyle calls and wants us to meet him at calapooia. So we did. and then we didnt want people to see us so we went BEHIND the school. It was sooo crazy. Jake was making everyone laff like non-stop and wanted me n brooke to make out. but we didnt. cuz u wud have to get us drunk to do that. Lol. anyways, then he wanted to go streaking again, we never did, but he wanted to strip. So we sorda did i took my shirt off (only becuz i had another one on) then jake ran off with my shirt so i had to chase him. thennnn kyle wanted us to flash him. so were all "only if u show us YOUR boobs" so him and jake both did.. haha that was funny...then everyone looked at ME. and volunterred ME to flash. and im all 'wtf' so i said no. then they all tackled me and pinned me down and lifted (or tried too) my shirt up. Then they decided that we all needed to get home cuz it was almost 2 am. and we were all screaming and everything. Then i was all "ok when we get up to that building lets all turn around and flash them" so we did. and then i like turned around and ran right into a tree. and then i fell ont he ground and started laffing so much. It was great...anyways....im done now..byeeee

6.11.2004

Ok so school got out yesterday! yippy!
Anyways, the REAL reason i post was becuz, i had a dreaaaam last night. Ok, anyways, me and this person (a dude, no names are mentioned :P) were in school and the teacher was showing us a movie and me and this person were writing notes to eachother and it was about (ok i can say this dudes name, since he'll prolly never read it) Jordon. And then i started crying. Then he wrote like "i'll talk to you about this later" ok then i woke up. Then i fell back asleep and he and i were over at brookes house and i was on the couch and he was on the floor and then i found that note and where it said "I'll talk to you about this later" i wrote "its been later" and i gave it to him and then i started crying and then left. Acutally i woke up..but u know. SAME THING. Woohoo. only like...less than a week i will be packing to leave and im really kinda nervous...but im also excited!!!!! yay ok well i am gonna go for now..

6.06.2004

ok 3 and a half days left until school is out..yayyyyyy i cant wait...

la de da....i love sumone...la de da...

hmmmm....uhhh i have to go in a few mins so i am gonna go...byeeee

6.01.2004

the phone keeps ringing and its really pissing me off..
anyways...6 days left of school and i can NOT wait until it is just all over with. Its all making me nervous wheather or not im gonna pass or not. I hope i do, but i dont know, i dont think i will..anyways...i think i am gonna work on a layout or something...laters!

5.22.2004

SHIT! I HATE MY LIFE..I HATE IT...I HATE IT...I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE IT AND I SERIOSULY WUD RATHER BE DEAD THEN LIVE HERE FOR ANOTHER FUCKING MINUTE. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL JUNE 24TH WHEN I CAN LEAVE THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE. ERRRRRR. WHY DOES MY LIFE ALWAYS SEEM TO GET FUCKED UP??? I HATE JOSH THE MOST, FOR GETTING ME IN THIS STUPID TROUBLE. AND I WILL NEVER EVER TALK TO THAT FUCKING BASTARD EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER AGAIN!!!!!!

Hmmm, the end of the year is rapidly approaching, and to tell you the truth. I HATE IT. absolutely hate it. I do not want to be in lock down for the last week of school. THATS CRAZY. who cares if im failing?? what are grades good for anyway? Nothing. Errr, this so sucks. But this also means that i will be moving in about a month. I talked to my mom last night, and she decided to have my step-dads parents come up here on the 24th or some shit like that to get me and my sister. My mom has to go get surgery. Thats on the 16th and she'll be in the hospital for a couple days. So i hope she just gets better soon! :) UhHhH, oh yes, i tried calling jordon again...hmmm.. acouple nights ago, and it WAS Ringing, but i decided to hang up, cuz i was pissed at him cuz he didnt even care to let me know that it was working again, and i figured i pissed him off enuff already and he didnt want to hear from me. So whatever, i give up on that, I guess ill just talk to him (maybe) on the day that i leave, that way i can piss him off even MORE. lol. Its not nice, i know, but what else is there to do?? Right now i am sitting here, fingering my camera...(not like that...i mean touching it) its really shiny. Lolz. and now i am looking at the phone. Thinking whether or not i shud give jordon another call. I dont think i will. It may...cause problems..lol. oooh this morning i was in the shower right? and all of a sudden it felt like i cudnt breath. I was like that for like 5 minutes. It sucked. Holy fuck. why does it have to be sooooo cold?! *CrAnK iT uP* lolz, im listening to that song right now :) Well i guess i better stop blabbering since i have nothing else to blabber about. Lol...later kidders

5.19.2004

was just lookin at some saved things and came across this, i still like it from (Perks Of Being A Wallflower)

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

that last paragraph gives me the chills, i think it has alot to do with me, cuz when i was young, i was an awesome student and my parents and others loved me, now its not like that no more, and the last paragraph, just, something about it, relates alot to me..

5.16.2004

haha its been like what a couple weeks since i last posted?! Hmmm.. wow! Lolz, well anyways, i finally heard from jordon hes moving i guess...but whatever, i just hope i can talk to him before i move, cuz once i move, theres gonna be no way that im gonna be able to get online except for like once a week, but i'd still call him....maybe...if hes not at me *sigh* hmmm, only 28 more days until i move...so thats good *...Countin on a new beginnin, a reason for living...* lmao...haha ohhhh...read this...idakno if its interesting or not...but ya

nyjetsfan987 (10:48:07 AM): hi
nyjetsfan987 (10:48:08 AM): y u not talk again
nyjetsfan987 (3:04:28 PM): hey
nyjetsfan987 (5:14:15 PM): hey
nyjetsfan987 (5:14:34 PM): aight guess u dint wanna talk
shedevil420_2003 (5:15:14 PM): STOP IMING ME DAMMIT
nyjetsfan987 (5:15:27 PM): y
nyjetsfan987 (5:15:29 PM): wha the fuck did i do
shedevil420_2003 (5:15:32 PM): UR ANNOYING
nyjetsfan987 (5:15:47 PM): how i just wanted to fucking talk 2 u
nyjetsfan987 (5:15:52 PM): my bad
shedevil420_2003 (5:16:30 PM): u im me like 50 times aday i thought that if i didnt talk to u u wud get the hint...but no...u just keep imingm and iming AND IMING and its gets so dayum annoying that if u do it again i will fucking go Psycho
nyjetsfan987 (5:16:48 PM): whateva i dont care ill just stop tryin to talk 2 u
nyjetsfan987 (5:16:58 PM): and that not true
nyjetsfan987 (5:17:32 PM): ive im u today only like 5 times
nyjetsfan987 (5:17:36 PM): but whateva
nyjetsfan987 (5:17:41 PM): ill shut up
shedevil420_2003 (5:17:43 PM): whatever...same thing
nyjetsfan987 (5:18:03 PM): ok well guess u dont eva wanna talk again

lol i can be so mean sometimes *shrugs* its not MY fault these stupid asses pester me like that. haha. Ooooh headache. Well i found out that some of my teachers think that i have lost weight, well, I HAVENT!! *grrr* ive gained like a pound, cuz i USED to way 108 and now i weigh 109 and a HALF. *rolls eyes* mmmm...i think im gonna get pizza tonight becuz that sounds really good. I just need to ask fer some money :D :P yeeeep...oooh does anyone like the new layout? lol luke is so stupid..

pfff says:
av u got a pic?
pfff says:
like
+-- Mandi--+ 28 days! says:
of?
pfff says:
1 without ur name on it
+-- Mandi--+ 28 days! says:
haha yaaaa....why?
pfff says:
bc im gona use it on this email i got nd lie to my frend nd say thats me

ok why wud anyone wanna use MYYYYY picture? =/ thats kinda scary...but ya...
anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyways...i think thats all i have to say so laters

5.07.2004

love you... I love you, I love you

Baby I love you, you are my life
My happiest moments were complete if you weren't by my side
You're my relation and connection to the sun
With you next to me, there's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrops, I am the seed
With you and God, who's my sunlight, I'm blooming, grown so beautifully
Baby I'm so proud, proud to be your girl
You make the confusion go all away from this cold and misty world

I am in love with you (in love)
You set me free
I can't do this thing called life without you here with me
Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave
Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me

I am in love with you (in love)
You set me free
I can't do this thing called life without you here with me
Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave
Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me

I know you love me, love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am, baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy, easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication from you to me
Later on in my destiny I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife and I see my whole future in your eyes
The thought of all my love for you, sometimes makes me wanna cry
I Realize all my blessings, I'm grateful to have you by my side

I am in love with you (in love)
You set me free
I can't do this thing called life without you here with me
Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave
Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me

Every time I see your face, my heart smiles
Every time it feels so good, it hurts sometimes
Created in this world to love, to hold, to feel, to breathe
To live you
Dangerously in love, yeah

I am in love with you (in love)
You set me free
I can't do this thing called life without you here with me
Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave
Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me

Dangerously (dangerously)
Dangerous, dangerously in love with you
Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I love you.. oh yes..

5.02.2004

Ok so not much went on this weekend Besides my normal mood swings which -clearly- pissed everyone off. I just need someone that can make me happy for one whole day. In the past year or so, i dont think ive been happy for one full day. But i want to change that. Someday.

I have been listening to alot of Puddle Of Mudd, Nickelback, Nine Inch Nails, Goo Goo Dolls, Savage Garden...stuff like that...lately.

Well gotta jet for now...write more later

5.01.2004

Saturday...hmmm...not much happened today, got the news that my older sister had another baby girl. Not quite shure what the name is tho. Hmm. UmMmMmM...went to the mall yesterday...good times..yep...well i dont really know what to say, everythings being stupid today...later kidders

4.25.2004

ok so finally it's sunday. This has been by far one of the most longest weekends! lolz. So i dont really remember all what happened but thats ok. Cuz i had fun and thats all that matters. Well i guess most of u wud be happy to here about what i did...I decided that i didnt want to waste my time with jordon no more, and left him be. So i've moved on. Haha. Real fast. I dont get it, i liked him more then anyone i have ever liked. Yet, he was the easiest to get over. Like as soon as i let it out...i felt better. When with others i felt horrible. I dont know, maybe im weird.... Soooo, anyways, i said yes to tyler =) Although now that i said it, i think that it was a total mistake. So i don't know what to do. i still think about jordon alot. Maybe i did the wrong thing?! oh well...i think its a little to late for that now. well i dont know what else to say so i will leave...later kidders

4.23.2004

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong

Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby


I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy


And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away


And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

what is there to say?! Uhhh...things are going good. New term begins monday so im gonna try my hardest to do better. We're starting speeches (shit!). This outta be good. Still no word from jordon. Im guessing things between us are pretty much over. Oh well. I knew he didnt like me anyways. Hmmm. John is mad at me (grrr on him) and no one else really seems to give a shit!

Im pretty tired so im gonna see if i can go get some sleep....bye byes!

4.18.2004

So this weekend is coming to an end... Lets review it...shall we?

Friday--Stayed after school, then came home and got online for a while, then went over to brookes, we ordered pizza and dressed up for the pizza man, then we watched a movie ((i wish i cud remember what it was=/)) After the movie we went to bed, that was all that happened...

Saturday--One of the better days of my weekend. Lets see, well the day was kinda boring at first, then we went to go pick up sara, then we went to the mall, and freddys, and got sum new things. That was kewl, then we walked home and we were loud as hell and we saw will and korey and were talking to them. But i made new friends. Ok this is how i make friends, when i walk on the street and wave or say hi to sumone and they wave or say hi back, that means that they are my friend. Ok so anyways we got home and decided that we wanted to go to the park for a while, well john just happened to be there, he cudnt see me and im all 'bastard' and im all 'yah, you john' and he loooked at me and hes all 'who the hell are u?' and so i got up and he hugged me...so im like...ya...but anyways then we talked for a while then they left , so we just sat at the park. Then we went home and drank some =P. And did sum stuff and called sum people. and now brooke is going out with josh. u know..im so tired of being alone...*sigh* oh welllll...

Well it turns out we cudnt get our belly buttons pierced this weekend cuz yesterday we wernt with our legal guardians and today no one was there. So this place is a fucking crazy town. Yah when the sign says Open: Monday-Sunday 1-9 pm...that means there shud be sumone there. So whatever. I can't wait till i move to cali.

My cold is starting to fade away, this morning i woke up and cud barely talk. So i cudnt yell at everyone for waking me up. Seriously i wanted to sleep longer but noooo megan had to use the dayum phone and it was loud and it woke me up.

Im starting to wonder what i shud do about Jordon. I mean, god knows how much i love him, but me not being able to talk to him for weeks at a time kinda makes me wonder. Oh well tho.

Last night we watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was a good movie. One of the scarier ones that i have seen. Only becuz it was fucking sick. Yuck. I wish sumone wud just blow my head off like that...

Well im going to go depress myself,,,later kidders

4.16.2004

today, i played in the rain, and jumped in the puddles..!! it was great...i was outside talking on the phone and the rain just starts pouring down!...yes and i am sitting here soaking wet. and i already have a cold..so..i am sitting here with a cold and water dripping down my face! Its great! Im having trouble typing considering the fact that....i am...cold...lol

tomorrow i am getting my bellybutton done with brooke. Its gonna be kewl. i cant wait!

i have a rug burn on my knee. From me crawling on the library floor picking up my 'nerds' that spilled all over. lol. john made me pick them up. im all "no you pick them up" and hes al "NO YOU!!" so i ended up picking them up!

Today we had an assembly about 'sex' it was intresting. there was a hot guy that played in it. named nick. he was like. 16. Hmmm...reminds me of another nick that i know *rolls eyes*. lol. well anyways, justin got payed 20$ to ask the people if they ever had sex. But the stupid sub mrs stanley told mr lehecka and he had to give colton his 20$ back. Everyones gonna be talking about it for days.

Today was also wacky day. Some people went beyond wacky. they were just plain scary. Some were just plain weird. but SOME we're just plain SKANKY take marie jones for instance. She wore a thong on the outside of her pants. im like "dude, thats sick" and she just looked at me really weird. so im all 'yah fuck u 2' and rolled my eyes. lol i do that alot!

Im thinking about giving myself anothertattoo tonight...it gonna hurt hella tho. i did another one last night...lol...it was fun! eww..but sick..ok i wont get into details..cuz thats just wrong...

im hungry sorda, even tho ive aten quite enuff today...oh well...i need to lose weight...blah...im going to feel fat tomorrow...ill be all "GET AWAY FROM MY TUMMYYYYY!" lol...well i am gonna go eat sum more and change into sumthing 'dry' becuz im cold and still wet...lol...((nasty minds)) and i am gonna go later kidders, love u all!

everyones making me mad...

hi